Back Bay is not a bay. And what is it back from? Beacon Hill has no beacon. Charlestown is no longer a town, but a neighborhood in a big city. South Cove has no cove.

Despite the street sign, there is no Scollay Square. Only five people were killed in the Boston Massacre. City officials in “America’s Walking City” don’t allow the thousands of pedestrians walk automatically. Instead at intersections they helpfully provide buttons one must push to insert a walk segment into the traffic light cycle.

The ‘New’ Courthouse is actually the old one. South Boston is not the south part of Boston. East Boston is North. The North End is still the north end of the Shawmut Peninsula but now is really more in the middle of the downtown neighborhoods. Cape Cod is an island. According to maps, the Upper Cape is really the lower part and the Lower Cape is the upper extension. Maine may be north, but one goes down east to get to its northerly extensions. The Harvard Bridge goes to MIT while the Lars Andersen Bridge goes to Harvard. (Who is Lars Andersen anyway?)

Most avenues in this city are narrow alleys, such as Primus Avenue on Beacon Hill. Boston Cream Pie is a cake. Boston is not the hub of the universe, but a regional city in a small corner of a big country.

Breakdown lanes aren’t for breakdowns, but are the legal lane of choice for vehicles along the big roads during rush hours. Route 128 is really I-95, which is west of I-93, which, according to the Interstate numbering system, should be east of it. All those signs indicating Sgt. So-and-So Square are stuck on poles in the middle of the sidewalks, near an intersection where there is not square. Could we call them Sgt. So-and-So Intersections instead?  Milk Street has no milk and Water Street no water. Where are the Quakers on Quaker Lane?

The South Boston Seaport District does not seem like South Boston no matter how hard Bostonians insist it is. South Boston doesn’t really start until the Reserved Channel. Which brings up the question: Who or what is that channel now reserved for?

You can’t hear in the City Council’s hearing rooms. Until you’ve carefully followed the signs and memorized the layout you can’t find your way around City Hall. The building’s main entrance is on its third floor, so watch out if you’re coming down from one of the hearing rooms in which you can’t hear and think that floor one will let you out on City Hall Plaza.

Thank goodness Cambridge Street actually goes to Cambridge. But then, within a few blocks, it changes its name to Tremont. Weird.

King’s Chapel has no king anymore, and its burying ground isn’t affiliated with the church.

Living in a city with so many contradictions is helpful in building character and patience. It’s a reminder that human activity and achievements are fraught with ambiguity and unexpected outcomes. At its worst, it is only confusing. At best, it teaches us that expecting matters to be black and white is naïve.