Perhaps you’ve been following the trials (literally) and the tribulations of a tycoon named Ronald O. Perelman. Perelman, in case you don’t know, is the chairman of the board of Revlon, Inc. He is also the head of MacAndrews & Forbes, a company that owns a lot of other companies. Coincidentally, Perelman is one of the most frequent users of America’s court system, tying up judges and enriching lawyers. (As a member of a family with several lawyers, I want to thank quarrelsome people like Perelman for putting the food on our table.)

Perelman is a handful. He fought with his four ex-wives. He is now married to his fifth wife—we can probably guess how that will turn out. He sued a deceased ex-wife’s invalid father and lost handily. He’s now in a court battle with a former colleague.

Ron Perelman’s life and litigation are the stuff of soap operas. Despite his wealth and his apparent love of being married, he’s not a good catch. Friends and family members say he is not a nice person.

And a nice person, all you lovers out there, is what you need if you want to be happily married. It’s my St. Valentine’s Day message.

It’s not just me who thinks that. I polled some of my most happily married friends—five couples who have been married for five to 48 years from four different states. (If I didn’t poll you, it’s not a reflection of what I think of your marriage. I just limited my sources.)

My sources did not start out saying that a successful marriage depends on the spouse being a nice person. All of them mentioned other attributes that made their marriages successful. One said the clichés made her afraid she sounded like a Hallmark greeting card.

All my respondents pointed out that their spouse was their best friend. They shared goals, whether it was raising good children or a garden, making time for travel or a way of life. All of my sources said that their shared interests in books, politics, football games, or bicycling, or later in life, grandchildren, enriched their lives and provided strong bonds. All of them talked about good communication with one another, “able to openly talk about challenges, frustrations and conflicts . . . the ability to work through disagreements is very important.”

All the couples I polled appear to me to be equal in their marriages. They seemed to think so too. No matter how they divide up the responsibilities in their marriage, not one of these partners is a shirker. The spouses have given one another a lot of room to pursue their own interests and take advantage of their skills, and have supported them—one husband said “appreciated and nurtured” their partners in these endeavors. They all mentioned that patience, a sense of humor, trust and respect were important.

No one described their sex lives in detail to me—thank goodness. Some acknowledged that sexual attraction played a bigger role in the beginning, but in later years it was only one of many satisfying aspects of their marriage. “As youth fades and with it some of the spark of physical attraction, it is balanced by that much more shared experience,” said one husband. Another husband said he really liked holding hands, which, I think, meant something else.

Somewhere, however, in listing the qualities they thought were important in their marriage, another comment inserted itself that wasn’t like a Hallmark card.

“Anyone would be happy if they were married to —,” said one woman about her husband. A man described his wife in glowing terms, saying she made him fortunate. A woman said her husband “makes me feel like I am the most important person in the world.” “It warms my heart just putting this into words,” said one husband about his wife’s good qualities. They were all saying in one way or another that it was their spouse that made their marriages such happy ones. If everyone had a spouse like theirs, they implied, their marriages would be successful too.

Since I know these couples pretty well, I know how they live. They have good relationships not only with one another but also with their families. They all have lots of friends. One husband said their friends tended to be happily married people, because they were easier to be friends with. In short, the couples I asked for comments are well adjusted, happy people, who appreciate that their partner is also well adjusted and happy.

And not one of them is like Ron Perelman.

So I wondered if there is a chance for someone who is married to someone who is not a nice person to ever have a happy marriage. I still don’t know the answer.

What I do know is that in Massachusetts there must be a lot of nice people because we enjoy the lowest divorce rate of any state in America. Maybe Ron Perelman should move to Massachusetts. Wife number six might have an easier time of it.